Family Therapy Topics & News

Anger and Control

The uncontrolled expression of anger not only erodes family relationships, but it negatively affect’s your self-esteem. How do we manage our anger so that it is not destructive to others and ourselves? We have a choice of how we respond to provocative behavior. We can choose behaviors that maintain our self-control and do not erode our relationships with other people.

In many instances, we react with uncontrolled anger because we are unable to respond to annoying behavior with an “I statement”, which communicates our feelings about the behavior without being verbally abusive or critical. Many times we will make a mistake and blame others. In family discord, one partner will often be unable to express themselves, so that the painful feelings will be repressed and explode later in uncontrolled rage. Frequently, children become victims of parents’ frustration with their inability to assert themselves. Due to low self-esteem we may personalize another person’s remark and respond by withdrawal or abuse.

Since we choose how we express our anger, we can learn skills that will reduce our self-defeating angry reactions. The focus of anger management is to emphasize learning assertive skills, to tell others how you feel in response to their behavior, and not to take the behavior of others personally. We must realize that as individuals we have the power to manage our anger so it does not destroy our families and ourselves.